What I’m Afraid Of

Scorpions. Yep.  I’m terrified of them. And it’s the trembling hands, the thrill of adrenaline, let out a scream type of fear. I live in Arizona, in the middle of scorpion territory.  Yuck! Did you know that momma scorpions carry their babies on their backs until they get bigger? Yep, gross. Shiver.

I'm afraid of scorpions

 

As a mom, I’m afraid of so many things and I worry. I worry about my special needs children, do the other children at school accept them?

I’m afraid for my black daughter, will someone judge her solely on the color of her skin?

I’m afraid for my 3 beautiful daughters. Will they become one of the women who must say, “me too” someday because a man wouldn’t take no for an answer?

I’m afraid for my adopted children with birth parents who were addicted to drugs and alcohol. Will they try it, “just once” and find themselves lost in addiction?

As parents, we worry about so many things from teething to grades, from allergies to illnesses.

And just as I quit worrying that one child might run into the street without looking, another is asking to go meet her friends at the mall. Or go to Virginia without me.

I was afraid the night Ellie was trampled by a horse. accident, too. Yet things worked out. She isn’t that scared little girl anymore; she is a brave, sometimes moody, teen  I love to hang out with.

 

connection between siblings

Parenting Worry Never Goes Away

When my children were all young, my friends would tell me: “Cherish the baby and toddler stage. It is busy but easier than teens.”

I didn’t believe them. (Just for the record, they were right.)

Now I have friends who tell me that the early 20’s are harder than the teen years. (Thanks, Jen!)  Just as I was getting the hang of the teenage years.

The other day a friend mentioned that her kids were doing great until they turned 40, then two got divorced and one was dealing with a job loss and financial issues.

Did I realize what I signed up for when I held that sweet smelling bundle in my arms? Nope, but that’s okay. Because for all the times I’m afraid, there are these moments:

  • Five people call me Mom. (Okay, sometimes they call me stupid too, but Mom is heard more often).
  • I get to laugh with some very funny people around the dinner table.
  • Although I get skunked at Uno by my 11-year-old, she begs me to play with her and I love that she chooses me to play with. (Maybe it’s because I keep losing.)
  • My teenage son gives me hugs and calls me Shorty all the time. I like both.
  • Late night talks on my bed with teenagers are some amazing moments.

There are too many moments to list, and I am so grateful for all of them. So yes, I’m afraid. But I’ll live with a bit of fear if it means some of the most amazing people put their arms around me and call me mom.


Linking up with KenyaKristi, and Michele.

 

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25 thoughts on “What I’m Afraid Of

  1. As a mom to two young girls, I couldn’t agree more with all you said here. Parenting is definitely not for the weak or faint of heart. But still, as much fear that I hold for all that could happen, I am so truly blessed to have my kids and just be mom to them. Thanks for that simple, but grand reminder here today 🙂

    1. Janine, thank you. I need to remind myself on days where it all seems so hectic, and overwhelming of all the many good things I have. Usually one of my boys burps or the girls break out in a silly dance and all is right with the world again.

  2. I was fine with the scorpions part because I think (hope) I’ll never see one in real life. But then you got to the kids. And my coffee got stuck in my throat because I have a 13 year old boy and I’ve heard this but I don’t know it yet for myself. That’s truly something to be afraid of. You get them through the teens and then you have to worry about them in “real life”.

    Thanks for linking up with us.

    1. Kenya, I hope you never see a scorpion either. Gross. But we both get the worries of motherhood. However, I’m sure neither of us would trade them for the world.

    1. Vickie, I agree. It is so easy to get caught up in the negative. But there are so many joyous moments too.

  3. To love is to live with fear, isn’t it? What if, what if, what if — it’s a constant chorus underlying the beautiful song that parenting is, for the most part. You have a beautiful family. I hope they all stay connected to you and each other, so that the love can keep crowding out the fear.

    1. Debi, what a beautiful way of describing the joy and the fear of parenting. It is a beautiful chorus, and I’m so blessed to add my part.

  4. I (think) I get the thing about the scorpions. (Our family demographic being two humans and one canine), in the sense that fear can be the sharp edge of a knife, the physics of traveling in a car at 70 mph (or flying at 30,000 feet). It (fear) is very often an element of the good and even (the) best things in life.
    Your post surely serves as a reminder that to acknowledge fear is not necessarily to enhance it’s feariness*, if anything it can marshal within the extra energy to be alert and vigilant.
    All this without succumbing to excessive worry. (“Worry’ is fear’s cousin who becomes a surprise house guest and despite being very well-dressed and seemingly quite polite assumes and awful lot and seems to assume that the visit is permanent. )

    * not a ‘real’ word

    1. I love the new word! Good perspective. Fear can make us more alert and help us feel more alive. But you are right about worry, it seems pretty useless. If it comes to stay, I should kick it out.

  5. Parenting worries never ever go away. I totally get that. Scorpions…… not a fan although never seen one (I live in UK). Makes me feel creeped out thinking about them though!

    1. I’m jealous of your weather, the green color all around, and the fact that you have no scorpions in the UK. 🙂 I know that every location has its negatives, but 120 degrees and scorpions seems pretty miserable in July. I guess that is why we go on holiday about that time.

  6. Oh my goodness – we were in Arizona in December. I’m glad I didn’t know it was scorpion country!

    I can relate to much of what you write about teenagers- it’s not easy parenting them, but when it’s awesome, it’s pretty awesome. But the worry is bigger now than when they were younger, maybe because the stakes are higher as the reach adulthood. And I will say that parenting a young adult (19) is harder than a younger teen…so much to teach them about being an adult!

    1. You were safe in December. It’s too cold and most hide away until warmer weather.

      And about your 19-year-old, there is so much to teach them! I look forward to it but I know it will be difficult.

  7. I’m so glad you linked up with us. I really enjoyed this and relate to it completely. I only have one son but have two step children. The 23yo lived with us throughout high school and she’s more difficult now than ever (she’s struggling with a lot). I had to chuckle at the Uno (maybe it’s because I keep losing) because I love playing games with my son and now wonder if it’s because I lose so often. 🙂

    1. Uno! Right?? I used to try to lose, now I try to win. I think the stakes are higher with older children, and that is part of what makes it so difficult. Good luck! So glad we love them.

  8. Parenting never ends, and the love for one’s children never ends. Life continues to bring the unexpected into the family dynamics and sometimes that does bring moments of fear, but with it some good lessons, perhaps even necessary ones.
    Laughter around the dinner table and late night talks with teenagers are some favorite memories of mine too.
    That race for becoming taller than Mom is kind of a victory moment for kids.

    1. I agree, those lessons are necessary. It is a bit painful but it makes us better people it we decide to learn from them. Thanks for your comment!

  9. I think you even wrote it on my post – that parenting worry is here to stay. Forever. I remember my 100-year-old grandmother worrying about my nearly 70-year-old uncle!
    Also, scorpions scare me SO much. You don’t see them where I live but I’ve visited where you live!

  10. I feel like “worry” is my middle name these days with four little ones running around. I try not to live in fear, but these kids just can’t sit and stare at a wall all day! 😉 Being a parent is so very hard! I had no idea what I was in for when these little ones entered my life. This post gives me the confidence and hope that I can raise good little humans.

    Thanks for joining #WanderingWednesday!

    1. Thanks, Shiree. I’m sure you are doing an amazing job. I loved the days of littles (okay, it was exhausting, but so fun). Glad I found your site!

  11. You know our worries and fear can get the best of us if we don’t keep it all in perspective! I love how you look for what you do have to be grateful for – it makes you a better mom because of it!

    #WanderingWednesday

    1. Lori, thank you. It is hard somedays to keep that perspective, but I certainly work at it.

  12. So much truth in this article. Worry is something parents constantly battle. Now that our 15-year-old is in Driver’s Ed, we have a whole new set of worries. Yet, each new stage is an adventure and a joy! And, connection with our children gives us hope and lots of laughter. #WanderingWednesday

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