Mom-in-Waiting

wedding

For five years I was a mom-in-waiting. Waiting is hard and the ache of wanting was constant. And I thought Mother’s Day should have been renamed “Bury my Head in the Covers and eat Chocolate Day.”

I remember trying to go to church on Mother’s Day.  (Silly me).  Moms showed up with flattened corsages, macaroni necklaces, and “I’m a Mom” buttons with pictures of their children’s faces.  Each message from the pulpit was about being a mother.  I lasted through one song and the prayer one memorable year before I left the building sobbing and vowed never again on Mother’s Day.
BJ and I endured 5 years of waiting, infertility, IVF and the constant question from others: “When are you going to have children?” Yes, Mother’s Day was hard because it exposed that my heart’s desire had not yet been realized.  We even had one miscarriage after IVF that almost shattered me.
But it didn’t.  It made me stronger.  Towards the end of our waiting time, we were on the adoption list and we knew that eventually, we would become parents.  The tightness in my throat relaxed as I began to trust that God had a perfect plan for me, and that I just needed to be patient. I remember excitement building as I put my trust in God that He would fulfill His promise to me. Children were coming. I had done my part, I had to let Him do His part.
So one night as we discussed what the sleepless nights, long hours, crying and spit-up would be like (me with stars in my eyes); we decided to be happy.  Absolutely deliciously happy with where we were in our lives.  Right NOW.
This meant
  • enjoying a full night’s sleep
  • relishing in the fact that we could escape to a movie, anytime
  • spending hours cooking and eating dinner, just the two of us
  • delighting in our clean house
  • savoring quality couple time
  • traveling whenever and wherever we wanted
Because who knew how many of those we would have after a baby came? We actively developed the art of enjoying life in the moment.  I would even say things like, “Wow, we are blessed with another full night’s sleep. I’m going to enjoy it.”
Now don’t get me wrong, we still ached for children. I still would have given up all the Sunday naps in the world for a baby. But at some point, you must learn to be happy in the now.
And do you know what? It worked. I was calmer. I developed faith in God. (I still didn’t go to church on Mother’s Day. Let’s not push it.) And I could HONESTLY rejoice with friends who were pregnant and experiencing motherhood.
Today on Mother’s Day there are so many still putting in time as moms-in-waiting. But I have come to realize a mom-in-waiting has so many different faces.  She could be the woman waiting for her first child. She might be waiting for her wayward child to return home. She may mourn the death of a child. She may still be waiting for her 15 year old autistic son to call her mom for the first time. She might mourn the loss of her own mother. She may be waiting for the joy of motherhood to come because the postpartum depression is overwhelming. She may be waiting for a partner to parent with.
For those struggling as a mom-in-waiting, you are not alone. There are those near you who can help in the waiting time. And there is great joy to be found while waiting. Look for the simple joys of daily life. Realize the strength you are gaining as you wait. And know that God has a plan, and it is beautiful.
And last know that I love you and wait with you. Motherhood involves waiting. But we can wait together as sisters and as women. May God bless you in your waiting.
levibj new
Levi, our much awaited first born

 

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