Today was a rough day. It was one of those days where I was upset, angry, wanted to rage against the unfairness of it all.
Today I wanted God to remove a trial. Just take it away. Because I thought I knew better.
My thoughts ranged from: “It’s not fair” to “It’s too hard.” Sometimes I think that it is just too much to ask of one little family.
I called Liz from my 911 group and vented, a lot. It was helpful to share my problem with a friend, but it certainly didn’t resolve any of my concerns.
My heart was heavy all day thinking about my options, how I could help this specific child come to terms with his illness, and how I could help him get better. And I continued to wish this trial away.
So after dinner, baths, and a mean game of monopoly (where Sam skunked the rest of us) my daughter went to get ready for bed and picked out a book for us to read. She chose The Tale of Three Trees.
This story tells the tale of 3 trees, each wanting to be something good. The first wishes to be a treasure chest covered in jewels. The second wishes to be the strongest ship ever made and hold kings. And the third wishes to remain on the hill, growing taller and pointing to God.
Their wishes aren’t to be. All three trees are cut down. The first becomes a feed trough for hungry animals. The second becomes a small fishing boat and the third is forgotten in a pile of lumber.
Years pass and the first tree eventually holds the Christ child. The second tree is the vessel Christ is in when he calms the storm. And the third becomes the cross to which Christ was nailed.
Tonight this was a great reminder that God has a much better plan for me and my family than I could ever conceive. I love this quote by George MacDonald: “I would rather be what God chose to make me than the most glorious creature that I could think of; for to have been thought about, born in God’s thought, and then made by God, is the dearest, grandest, and most precious thing in all thinking.”
This story reminded me that God is making our family into something amazing. And this is part of the growing pains. And while it hurts, I have to remember to let go and let Him guide us.
C.S. Lewis reminds us: “The terrible thing, the almost impossible thing, is to hand over your whole self–all your wishes and precautions–to Christ. But it is far easier than what we are all trying to do instead. For what we are trying to do is to remain what we call “ourselves,” to keep personal happiness as our great aim in life, and yet at the same time be “good.”
None of this takes away the trial we are experiencing. It is real, it is hard and it hurts. But what I learn is to trust. My faith in God sustains me through these difficult times and reminds that there is something greater than me.